It begins, The great migration to the soul. Technically I’m not on my break yet but this morning was the last of one of the classes for a month. It’s weird how different it feels than just taking a vacation but it's only perception.
Something I really want to work on is not having expectations of others, not allowing others to dictate my happiness. In many ways I have this mastered but not when it comes to teaching yoga. My insecurities have dominated most of my life and while I’ve let go of much of that, again I still struggle when it comes to my classes. The disappointment when not many people come to class or when a “regular” disappears. The after-class moment of, I shouldn’t have done this or said that. I’m a shitty teacher, I have no business teaching and all the other lovely things I say to myself. And worst of all the changing my schedule to accommodate those that just can’t make it at this time or that day only to then not have those other times be available either.
Deep down underneath the insecurities are truth.
I can say with confidence, I’m not a horrible teacher but even more important and true is that I have to offer what I have to offer and for some that is what they need and for others it is not but BUT! I am always being completely me without any fake illusions for being some highly enlightened all-knowing yogi that knows everything and never makes mistakes. I like that about me. I know a lot and a lot I don’t, and we will all learn from each other.
The next thing I know for certain and this pertains to EVERYONE. If there is something you want to do you will do it! You will make the time and figure out a way. I fell into this trap of taking in everyone’s ideas of what I should do and when and then when it didn’t happen felt completely let down. I am the kind of person that does not say things I don’t mean. If I tell you I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it. I don’t make empty gestures. I realize no one means harm when they do this but still it’s a lie. If you go a bit below the surface and are honest you will realize you don’t really plan on following through. Sometimes we see the person we want to be and not the person we truly are. Are you the kind of person that will get up and take a class at 6:30am or do you just want to be? The other part of this is that when we say these things we end up letting the person down we’re lying to and we usually berate ourselves for not following through. Don’t make a promise to yourself you’re going meditate every morning as the sun comes up when you go to bed at 2am every night and you hate meditation. Be honest with yourself first then you can be honest with others. This was something that was difficult for me to understand. Like I said I don’t make promise I can’t keep so when people haven’t “shown up” for me I took it personally. Sometimes I can let this go and other times I can’t and that’s what I want to work on, not allowing others to control my happiness.
Can you relate to this? Are there things in your life that you want to work towards or get rid of? Acknowledge what those things are and maybe join me in March, create an intention and commit to a daily practice, whatever that looks like to you. Is it journaling, chanting or meditation? Maybe its talking things out with a friend, therapist, or spiritual advisor. Can you make a commitment to yourself for one month?