Updated: Feb 24, 2021
I’ve tried to come up with some catchy phrase for my mental health check for March but really that’s just marketing and it is not what it’s about. It really didn’t matter what month it was it just came to a point where I was struggling more and more to keep myself thinking clearly. Actually, I should say it was getting difficult for me to stop my mind from taking over. I was regularly having to pull myself away from my thoughts and although it does get easier the more you do it I was sick of having to do it as often as I was.
Our minds are subjective. What we think and believe are mostly not true. It is our perception which is based on our experiences, our mood at the time and the limited information we have. It is easier now for me to understand this but to put it in to practice has taken a very long time with my full awareness and participation. This is why I’m taking a break. I noticed my mind taking over and I knew my mind was lying to me. I had to step back and take a breath.
I’m not gonna lie I have gotten frustrated with my self / past self for wasting so much time being stuck in illusion but honestly for me and I think for most (especially us westerners) it is like learning a new language and trying to forget your old one. We don’t grow up learning to trust our intuition. We relate to our senses completely. We let our minds make decisions that frankly it is not qualified to make. Sadly, our emotions rule our lives. Knee jerk reactions and instant satisfaction are our norm. And since it is the norm it doesn’t seem odd.
One day I was with my husband and someone was driving like a complete ass (notice the judgement here) When my husband started to become angry I pointed out that person may be rushing home to a sick child or dog ( the dog is what got to him) all of a sudden it turned from anger to sympathy. Nothing had changed except his perception of the situation. This is why we can’t trust our emotions/ brains! This is why until we learn to strengthen our intuition and loosen the grip of maya, of false beliefs, our reactions will always lead us astray.
I decided I needed to take a one-month break from most teaching and spend some time in my own practice. The day after I made this announcement I felt clear. I had one of those ah-ha moments and the reason for me to take time off no longer seemed valid (old habit). Nothing had actually even changed yet though. For me it is important that I still allow the time I had allotted myself for myself. So often we rush things, it’s that instant satisfaction, that false belief that does not lead to any real happiness or change.
I fully believe that there is a pure part of us, call it soul, universe, God whatever you want to. There are moments when I am fully free of all the bullshit I allow my self to believe and I sit in that pure light. Until I can stay in that truth, there is work to be done. I am going to spend the month of March creating a habit, strengthening my spiritual muscle to just Be. I’m trying desperately not to have any expectations but I know that no matter what comes out of this I will have gained something or better yet, let some stuff go.