Letting go of Control

It is incredibly frustrating when there is something in your life you are trying to “get” and someone who “gets it” responds, “you just do it”. Maddening!

The thing I have learned is that it takes practice to let go of control, or really the illusion of control. And ready for this, you need to learn control to let go of control. Maddening! You must learn how to start to control your mind/ego. For me the most helpful thing was… drum roll please, practicing yoga. That helped me learn how to focus my mind on one thing which in turn helped me learn to sit and mediate. Then one fine day, BAM, I got it, well sort of. There are so many things in my life I’ve learned to let go control of except one big one. The one I’d really love to let go of is just to let my husband go through his own shit on his own journey. We don’t share the same beliefs on everything and the path of yoga is not one he is on. We all have our own way and I’m fine with that. What kills me is when I know there is something that can help him, whether its anxiety or sleeplessness because I have been helped through the power of yoga (insert southern Baptist evangelical preacher voice here). So I keep practicing, trying to be patient with myself and with my husband. I do flip out on occasion, but I try to explain and apologize for my actions. It’s so hard to watch someone you love suffer when you feel you can help. It’s a great lesson for me that I continue to repeat because I haven’t gotten it yet. I know when I do I’ll think “yup, you just do it.” Maddening!