SO HUM
The universe has no shortage of pranks and I seem to be in the midst of one. I’ve gone through periods of my life when things are dull and uneventful. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a rut but maybe just a time of…. rest. Then there are those times like right now when I feel like everything is opening to me and honestly, it’s a bit overwhelming. I do know that I have more control over the direction of my life than I sometimes admit to but let’s face it, it is far easier to say the universe is taking it easy on me right now as opposed to I just don’t want to deal.
I guess right now I’m at a place where I’m ready to deal and face some shit. Here’s where things get tricky. Action can not be swift and for me that is something that requires effort, the effort to not act. Problem, fix it, change it, leave it, avoid it, squash it, my old tool box. It’s not a great tool box and come to think of it, it’s not even a box it’s a belt. It sat on my hip for quick release and came with me everywhere. It’s like trying to sew with a hammer which by the way may explain my inability to sew but that’s something completely different. So here I am, the universe, god, all of it has rushed in. BAMMMM! Holy crap! I’m not joking this is intense. It started with a crack and then just came pouring in. I’m torn between the feeling of Rose and Jack in the Titanic when the water came rushing in and a baby chick breaking out of its shell. Two sleepless nights felt like the Titanic scene but currently I’m feeling like the chick. I’ve just emerged out of my safe container and now I am small and vulnerable in this big world and I need to make my way purposefully towards……. I guess me.
Back to the universe and its part in all this. Had I not been paying attention, working on myself I would never have come to this rush of me. Obviously, I’m ready even though I’m nervous, overwhelmed and feel like I’m not strong enough to handle this and that my tool box is not complete. The universe gave this to me because I’m ready. Because despite my concerns I know I can MacGyver the hell out of it. I’ve used duct tape in ways inventors never dreamed of, so I know I can do this. I know I can do this because I am the universe. Wow!! Type those worlds and tell me you don’t feel like a complete narcissist. I AM THE UNIVERSE!
The universe was not in front of a chalk board in a classroom with a long wooden pointer and me sitting at a desk. I did the work. I spent my life building up and breaking down. Chipping away and paying attention. I had people in my life that fed my insecurities and I am the one that walked away. I brought people into my life that walked with me on my path and left when we no longer went in the same direction. I choose to be more mindful. I listened to my heart break and dealt with it when I knew how. I have surrounded myself with the people that I needed to break open. I choose the direction of my focus and I looked up. The universe did not give this to me. I know I am ready for this because I looked at it. It has always been there. The universe did not place something for me to see, I lifted my gaze and opened my eyes.
I am ready.
